Matt Furey’s Fat Burning Diet & Exercise Program
Matt Furey’s Fat Burning Diet & Exercise Program
So I’ve got a little pudge around the middle… or maybe you could say I’m pleasantly plump… okay, okay, I’m fat. Euphemisms are for cry-babies anyways.
Look, I never cared for gyms, and I’m not going to spend thousands on equipment, so I figured I should look into body weight exercises. Matt Furey’s name came up all over the place, plus he was mentioned in the Early To Rise newsletter, so I decided to see what he was about.
I went to the site, got the RSS feed, read the almost daily posts he makes to his blog… he’s selling hard, but he offers stories that focus on his main products, so I’m not turned off. I’m acutely aware he’s selling me, but I’m not so disgusted I eliminate him from my daily reading.
Cool. So he has a sale and I say to myself, “Self, give some of the products a try. Worst comes to worst, you lose a hundred-odd bucks. It’s what you’ve been looking for, so whip out the card and do the debt dance.” I’d been drinking heavily and was in a cheap-whore sandwich at the time, so I was vulnerable to inner voices crying for moral character.
Couple weeks later the package comes in the mail. USPS, one of those first-class envelopes; it’s crammed (like I was in that sandwich I mentioned earlier). I open it, browse the contents, then go back to work on the computer making money so I can buy more cheap whores and booze.
A week or so after that, I’m in a walking drug-coma induced by ludes, Goldschlagger and a buxom midget named “Punt Me” (that’s what was taped to the back of her bra, I assume it was a name tag). I happen upon the Package of Furey products and decide to check the CDs.
The Furey Fat Burning Teleseminar is up first. Two discs of anticipated delight. I help people sell their teleseminars, I know what to expect: a phone conversation. Honestly, that’s all a teleseminar is, a phone conversation.
I pop it in the first CD, hit play, and off I go.
Now the fact that the CDs come in paper sleeves and have low-value labels (thank god they aren’t stick-on labels) tells me this isn’t a high-production-value course. This is expected. Remember, I help people sell teleseminars, I know what to expect, I just HOPE there’s some value I can glean from the CDs.
Twenty minutes into the course I’m finally ready to take notes. The only thing I got out of the first 20 minutes was “don’t eat bread because my mama said so.” I write that down, because nobody wants to fuck with mama.
Twenty five minutes after that, at the end of the first CD, I’ve got about 100 words written. The basics being: don’t eat bread, keep a positive mental attitude and image of yourself, monitor your weight through various means, and eat good food while avoiding breads, processed foods and junk food.
Sure, there is plenty of other stuff on the CD, he’s talking and giving examples and trying to make it entertaining. However, when you write out what he’s said, you start to get a little peeved. I know I did. This course is looking like more of a “free download” than an actual course. The sound quality blows horse ass, it’s him on a phone somewhere, possibly in China (no joke), and it’s a mono recording.
But Byron… Thunder-B… Oh Great Pimp of the Trailer Trash… you knew what you were getting, right?
Yeah, I knew… still doesn’t make me happy.
So, on to CD 2.
The sound quality is even WORSE on this CD… fuuuuck! My actual notes of the sound quality on CD 2: (Disc 2 - 41:21) - Very poor sound quality (worse than first CD), Mono, phone conversation, clicking, popping, hissing, extreme sound fading, vacuum starts and stops in background, voices in background, phone channel changing with accompanying electronic beeps.
Seriously. Those are my actual notes on the quality of the CD. I mean COME ON, is my money not worth some fucking PRODUCTION VALUE?! Can you not write out a fucking script and just read off the salient points of your “Fat Buring System”?! MUTHA-FUCK!
Woooooooo-sa.
Woooooooo-sa.
Okay, I’m cool.
So CD 2 gives more info about what to — and what not to — eat. How much water, what supplements Matt Furey recommends, throws in a website or two (no affiliate links, which is appreciated), and goes into breathing exercises and the 10 recommended exercises for “fat burning”.
I should mention that the M.C. of the teleseminar talks about having digestive problems at the beginning, and he touts the fat-burning tactics that will be revealed were a side-effect of Matt Furey telling him what to do to fix his digestion problems. This obviously means there’s a course somewhere on his site that talks about “how to help your digestion” and is the same damn teleseminar of ungodly quality with a different cheap label, sent out in paper sleeves.
Alright, basically that’s it. The monkey could’ve given me a 2 page PDF for free on this and I would’ve been happy, but for the low-low price of $35, I’m miffed.
Most of the exercises he mentions need to be learned, and you need to be flexible in the first place to be able to do them. I assume this is why he pushes his “Combat Conditioning” course while mentioning the exercises. Lucky me, I was high enough to order the DVDs when I ordered the Fat Burning Teleseminar. I’ll get to those later.
To sum up: the Furey Fat Burning Teleseminar is an extremely poor quality, 2 CD audio course with Matt Furey on the phone. I believe he could make a free or much cheaper PDF download of this course (made in 2003, by the way) and actually make people happy, instead of charging the normal $70-$80 (remember, I got it on sale for $35) and pissing people off by wasting their money.
The info offered is decent once you write it out for yourself, but most of the exercises are not for novices. My only real gripe is the amount of money paid for the quality of product I received. Matt Furey offered me a poor quality product for a lot of money, and that’s not appreciated. Hell, if he offered an e-book and/or actual book with the CDs that listed out the salient points and had pictures, I’d be a lot happier about the purchase (I’d still be pissed about the CD quality, though).
As it stands, I’m not thrilled with the garage production of the Matt Furey Fat Burning Teleseminar, but if you work for it, you can get some good notes out of it.
I fear for the quality of the Combat Conditioning DVDs I bought, but that review will come at another time.
Until then… well, I’ve got cheap women to use and illegal substances to abuse.
Furey Feed
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The following email made my day. Read it and be amazed: Mr. Furey, I am a 50 year old orthopedic trauma surgeon who had to undergo a hip replacement 11 months ago. I previously played pro hockey, competed in speed skating, bike racing etc.. I have practiced tai chi and other internal martial arts … [Link]
Matt Furey Uncensored: Who's Your Competition?
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Matt Furey Uncensored: Why I Gave Up
Those of you who know me well, know one thing: Unlike most people, I LOVE CHANGE. Yet, at times, just like anyone else, I can get 'comfortable' at what I already know how to do - and feel that the boat doesn't need any rocking - or adjusting - or tweaking. And often times I may be … [Link]
6 Responses to “Matt Furey’s Fat Burning Diet & Exercise Program”
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Smidget
Said this at 8:31pm:I LOVE THIS RANT….it’s awesome. You’ve outdone yourself, oh pimp of the Trailer Trash!!!
Smidge
Donkeyrock
Said this at 8:37pm:All hail B! All hail B!
schwarzerwind
Said this at 9:26pm:Buxmon Midgets are the shit. I love hot midgets.
Donkeyrock
Said this at 7:12am:Hells Yeah buxom midgets rule! Why do you think I pay extra for them? lol
schwarzerwind
Said this at 12:32pm:There was some special on MTV years ago about wannabe actors, I think. I was living on the West Coast at the time. The show followed a handful of these people, to show their trials and tribulations. One of them was this perfectly proportioned little woman, blonde and buxom. She looked like a bikini beach babe, but only like three and a half feet tall, and with a delicious butt.
Anyways, long story short, using the “power of the internet”, I actually found her through her brother, and conversed with her for a bit. She was pretty cool, but unfortunately L.A. seems to have one of two effects on people who move there, you either become much more social, or you become a stuck-up bitch. Guess what happened?
Donkeyrock
Said this at 2:51pm:At least you went for the prize. It’s worth the try.
If elected, I’ll put delicious midgets in every pot!
Herbert Hoover ain’t got nuthin’ on me. :>